Memorial Table

5 min readFeb 2, 2023

There is a scene, in episode 16 of ‘Descendants of the Sun’ that has stayed with me for days. The scene dealt with a subject that is part of the human condition and was a reminder, that in many ways, all human beings are alike. That is all humans share so much that we should not be able to look at another without seeing something of ourselves in them.

In the words of Ibn Arabi (1165–1240): “It is He (They) who is revealed in every face, sought in every sign, gazed upon by every eye, worshipped in every object of worship and pursued in the seen and unseen. Not a single one of His (Their) creatures can fail to find Him (them) in its primordial and original nature.”

And Confucius (c 551 -479BCE) says:

“Love others as you would love yourself, judge others as you would judge yourself, cherish others as you would cherish yourself. When you wish for others as you wish for yourself and when you protect others as you would protect yourself, that’s when you can say it’s true love.”

“Everything has beauty, but not everyone sees it”

“Silence is a true friend who never betrays.”

“Wherever you go, go with all your heart.”

My heart, for now, is with Korean drama because there really is nothing quite like a good Korean drama. They seem to include everything, a bit of action, romance, comedy, politics, beautiful landscapes and people. It is just too easy to let the next episode play automatically. It also makes a change from seeing the Hollywood/ “Western” fare which has been the general backdrop of life in the UK. That is, the tropes and clichés can be so familiar: each romance has to end with “the kiss” and action movies tend to have a male hero who always saves the day.

It is so refreshing to see and hear another culture and language. Then, to realise that we do have something in common. It was great joy to learn that the word for father in Korean is similar to one we use: Abeoji sounds like Abbuji and appa like Abba. In “Coffee Prince” there was a scene in which characters worried about wearing outdoor shoes in someone’s home. “Coffee Prince” was also different because it included a female character passing as male, which led to another character seriously questioning their sexuality and coming to terms with it. When the drama resolved, in a heterosexual way, the female character said hold on: this is not going to end like we are in a fairy tale with me simply being the Cinderella to your prince. A great opportunity to discuss gender norms and stereotypes.

According to Aastha Madhur “Descendants of the sun” is “Aptly titled … sincere, nuanced and genuinely moving story” which has a “blend of everyday authenticity and underplayed grandeur.” “With its refreshingly engaging script, stellar acting performances … on-point direction … is a class act.”

Episode 16 of ‘Descendants of the Sun’ is the final episode so you may wish to turn away now. There are many deaths in “Descendants of the Sun” and candles lit. There is a lovely memorial to a group of people who die in an earthquake. In episode 16 one of the characters prepares a memorial table for the anniversary of the death of another. It reminded me of a South Asian custom, called a Khatam, where people prepare food to honour and pray for the deceased. What rarely happens in real life, but happened in “Descendants of the Sun”, was that the deceased returned, because they had not actually died. It caused a bit of stir because several characters thought the character had come back as a ghost, but no, they really were happily eating an apple from their memorial table.

It made me think of all those people throughout history and in all time zones who have prepared food to nourish those they love or in memory of them. The news can be very difficult but is a reminder of some of those people: In the news this week:

A mother who has lost her son, and does not have to imagine her child’s anguish because it was recorded! RowVaughn Wells who said “Nobody’s perfect, but he (Tyre Nichols) was damn near” must have made countless meals for her son and wishes he could come home for, at least one more.

All those who died recently, whilst praying in a mosque in Pakistan, will have family and loved ones who will be commemorating their deaths for some time to come.

Holocaust Memorial Day on 27th January 2023, unfortunately coincided with more death in the middle East. Lest we forget was BBC Radio 4 Sunday worship was a “Meditation, live from the West London Synagogue, as well as bringing to memory the atrocities of the Nazis, also marks the genocides of Armenia, Rwanda, Bosnia, and the present-day persecution of the Uyghurs.”

In the words of a 1962 song “When will they (we) ever learn”.

Maybe as the poem “Kindness” by Naomi Shihab Nye says:

Before you know kindness as the deepest thing inside,
you must know sorrow as the other deepest thing.
You must wake up with sorrow.
You must speak to it till your voice
catches the thread of all sorrows
and you see the size of the cloth.
Then it is only kindness that makes sense anymore,
only kindness that ties your shoes
and sends you out into the day to gaze at bread,
only kindness that raises its head
from the crowd of the world to say
It is I you have been looking for,
and then goes with you everywhere
Like a shadow or a friend.

May we all, particularly those who are living with sorrow as the deepest thing, find some Light, Love, Compassion and Mercy.